the story of a fool.

battles are not always won.
everyday is an uphill battle for everyone. and it is not easy battling. the preparation. the Armour. the spears and swords.
but why battle? asked an ordinary pleasant to a soldier.
you know you'll lose your life anytime.
whenever there's victory, it isn't all yours. people are rejoicing your victory while you are preparing for your next battle.
whenever there's a defeat, you are the one to be blamed.
why? shouldn't we fill our life with pleasant and happy memories? living the fullest out of life? enjoying every second of it while you can?
you're a fool. literarily. nobody wants to take risks and serve. not anymore. c'mon, be a sober. no one cares what you do.

the soldier replied :
although battles are tough, it makes me a stronger person. an temporary defeat is stronger than an evil triumph.
the difference between both of us is : I'm the one who's willing to take the risk, prepared to lose my life, than to sit at home doing nothing watching the sun and moon, watching the days passing by. idling.
i trained myself to be disciplined.
victory isn't mine. i don't need to be a claimed hero by all.
blamed by others doesn't matter for me, but the worst thing is I start blaming myself.
embracing myself with troubles than enjoying life? thats what it makes for me to stand up among the others.
BE A SOBER YOURSELF, DUDE.

oh ya, what inspire me to do what i do now, they're my family. I love them. they are the force that push me to achieve more. to do what others dreaded. they're the voices in my head that says "C'MON!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!"

so its quite pathetic for you without any family support.
thats why you're only running away when enemies are near, while i'm having all the faith i have to face them .

Old Diaries. What a Nostalgia.

well i was bored after doing some spring cleaning
though its quite close to summer now.
btw we dont have four seasons in Msia. I call it spring cleaning cos this's the 1st time i clear (almost) all rubbish on my desk. HAVE TO. need to create a conductive environment for me to study.
exam's near, HELLO.

ok, so back to my diary. OLD DIARY. when i was bout 13 to 14 years to.
{  MAAAN. look at my handwriting! look at my grammar!! What's that?? oh my i was so childish!!!  }

the point is, I suddenly realized I've grown so much. I havent written diaries for one year, when i was 15.
maybe this is what make life wonderful. looking back and seeing all the mistakes you've made, learnt from it, bouncing back, getting up.
all the good old stories are now history. and whether it repeats or not, it depends on us. O, what a life!!

i think i should keep track on what i do everyday from now. maybe after years and years later, when i read back all my scribblings i'll realized that what i've gone through is another learning process and I've grown up, a whole lot.