Of going forward or hugging on to the past

Well upon reading this title, many would say : GO FORWARD
look forward, cos' your past is your past, future is there, now you have the present to draw your future. Your past, is a history, and it is a ghost now, don't let your shadows swallow your dreams.

what if your future is so uncertain, you are so shaky and your confidence level is so low that it disturbs you so much?
what if your current situation is so bad, till you didn't notice the change in you, and you thought everything is ok, but in fact it isn't?
what if the change in you is for the worse, but you thought it is for the better, and you find the change had let you blend perfectly into the crowd now?
what if you're tired of fighting and being different?
what if you realized the values you hold so dearly are being challenged, and you thought of giving up?
what if you were so strong before this, and now you;re on the brink of giving up and breaking down?
what if you finally realize the world does not evolve around you, even, ironically, many assure you that you are the world and you have the universe at the back of your hands?
what if the place you're in slash both your confidence and ego into half, or even more?
what if you used to be told that you can do everything, as long as you have the passion and heart, but not when you're here, and it is impossible to do everything?
what if in the midst of trying so hard to change for the future, putting in effort to do well in the present, we forgot our past?
what if one day, we lose all the love ones we know? literally and metaphorically?
what if we hold on to our past so dearly and you just don't want to lose every speck of you in the past--your friends, attitude, naive-ness, and all?

Yes it is indeed a battle for everyone in every stage of his life. but somehow, we know, there's a rainbow somewhere ahead. the only thing I can do, for now, is to pray, and have faith.
Tolerate the turbulence, tolerate the pressure.

and forgive me if I've ignore you, friend. Your presence in my heart is of utmost importance. And I want you to know this : I'll never forget anyone who crossed my path, even if I forget their names, their faces, I won't forget how they had impacted my life.

Chinese New Year -- the BUNNY series

This Chinese New Year, I learn that :
1. We grow up every year
2. Our parents grow old every year
3. CNY isn't about gambling and receiving angpaos ONLY.... well those are the highlights nonetheless
4. CNY is about giving and sharing.
5. Its about gathering family members, cousins, relatives, long-lost relatives, long-distances uncle aunties.........
6. Its about uniting families
7. It unites every person in this country.. I once saw a Malay family stopping by to help a Chinese family whose car broke down due to too much firecrackers and lion dances....(ok maybe not because of that but the car broke down for some reasons)
8. I never knew family members could be separated one day..... until I realized it.
9. And family can always reunite, no matter how big it is
10. And commercials with family reunions makes me teary.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR. and I know how precious it is when we have family reunions.
Treasure yours while it lasts.
And this is the 2nd year...  since you've left us.

I miss you, grandma.Your Hainanese Chicken Rice always beats the rest.

Things I miss while growing up reluctantly

1. Computer games
2. Gameboy
3. PS2,PS1 games (we dont have X-box or IPads or IPods or every I- in the world)
4. big red packets collected and counted every year after Chinese New Year
5. Barbie Dolls (yeah I do love them, the dressing up part..wonder why on earths some girls try to act tough and deny they HATE barbie dolls while actually its a mini training for their fashion sense and imaginations?)
6. The havoc we create playing in my cousins' room
7. My dear,younger version of cousins, without their myopic eyes
8. The younger version of me, and they shy-er version of me
9. The ridiculously funny version of me,who crack jokes every now and then without minding any consequences (as if jokes bring consequences--then)
10. The time I have to punch keys on the piano--as if I'm Maksim
11. The time I had short hair and need not worry about what to do with longer air and less shampoo is used. And no hair clips or whatever accessories needed
12. The time when I light up Lanterns and candles--even if it's not Mooncake Festival
13. The time I know nothing about the world
14. The time we went over to neighbors' house and had tea, as a routine every week.
15. The time I know absolutely nothing on anything.
16. The time I think spongebob is a great PS2 game and played for the whole day.
17. The passion for cute lil' toys.
18. My own personal bias towards pink stuff, and everything from Fairyland or Disneyland... haha
19. My dad who loves playing with me,even without a toy, and now we speak way less than we used to.
20. The days I thought everything is possible...until I was told to shut down the day dreams and focus on reality.

I really wish,
even if the others say "move on!" or "that would not happen" or even "C'mon, stop all those bullshit, everyone knows time would not turn back!"
that Time could be turned back.
and I don't want to grow up...ever.

But reality bites, it does, however light or hard it does.
and I realized that a lot of us had been shaped into individuals who often denies what truly lies inside us,
as we grow up and learn and realize we have to change for the better
and to suit the demands of the ever-so dynamic, demanding world.
Saddest part is, few of us realize we've changed. Only when we were told,
we asked ourselves : have we? Oh really? well that's me.
And lose the little spark of gold in us every now and then as we continue denying what's in us.

You see, the world is a cruel place after all.
And it's all up to us whether to make this world a better place or to join in the cruel clan, like we're doing now.

smart and stupid?

if someone says "YOU'RE SMART"
smile, thank him and walk away
and think
who's the smart one? you? him? or both??

if someone says "YOU'RE STUPID"
smile, thank him and walk away too
and think
who's the stupid one? you? him? or both?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

how i wish answers come as easy as reading nursery rhymes.
lucky for us, we have something between our ears : the brain.

and this reminds me i have to start using it, and do a lot of THINKING....

high time i you need some exercise now, oh brainy...

Does color really matters?

Your hair's black, your eyes are blue, your nose is super flat and big

Does that really matters?

You like mutton curry, hate belacan (no Malaysian would hate that..as far as I'm concern) and another only eats salads for dinner

Does that really matters?

You only go for church services on Sundays, you burn incenses before altars, and another believes in no one but himself or herself

Does that really matters?

From young, our generation had been constantly hammered with an understanding that we are always superior over another. We learnt how to discriminate, prejudge, misunderstand, and fight for our rights. We identify differences swiftly, in fact with a speed faster than anyone else. Those differences are thought to have drifted us apart, carrying us away and away from each other, creating chaos.

Come to think about it, how about uniforming the whole country? Have one belief, one religion, and the same political view?

..................................

................................................

We will not be Malaysians.

Malaysia is cherished for her diversities, her uniqueness in creating a harmonious country regardless of different races living together. Our fore fathers bonded us together before gaining independence. Be it Chinese, Malays, Indians, Baba Nyonyas, we were one.

And it occurs to me that, we can be united again.

Differences are not intended to separate, to alienate. We are different precisely in order to realize our need of each other. Without differences, there would not be variations. Imagine a dull scene with only the same kind of people wearing the same kind of clothes, speaking only from one perspective. 

Dull, indeed. Monotonous and boring, if you asked me.

An eye for an eye make the whole world blind, so why don't we remove the glasses we wear to differentiate others, stop comparing and start loving more?

And... stop asking for our races when we're ticking forms. We're Malaysians, you dummy isn't that obvious?

Happy Malaysia Day, from a Malaysian

mah ownn prob. at the age of 17

i haft onee probblemm
thhat is

procastinatin',peeps, proccastinatin'

sighh. hhate it off curse... but still... welll... look at FUNNAY FOONG'S and LI YI'S blogg
both stated theree : LI SHING DID NOT WAKE UP EVEN THOUGH HER FRIGGIN' ALARM WOKE EVERYONE UP

thatt's kinda.... an honour. HMMM

the story of a fool.

battles are not always won.
everyday is an uphill battle for everyone. and it is not easy battling. the preparation. the Armour. the spears and swords.
but why battle? asked an ordinary pleasant to a soldier.
you know you'll lose your life anytime.
whenever there's victory, it isn't all yours. people are rejoicing your victory while you are preparing for your next battle.
whenever there's a defeat, you are the one to be blamed.
why? shouldn't we fill our life with pleasant and happy memories? living the fullest out of life? enjoying every second of it while you can?
you're a fool. literarily. nobody wants to take risks and serve. not anymore. c'mon, be a sober. no one cares what you do.

the soldier replied :
although battles are tough, it makes me a stronger person. an temporary defeat is stronger than an evil triumph.
the difference between both of us is : I'm the one who's willing to take the risk, prepared to lose my life, than to sit at home doing nothing watching the sun and moon, watching the days passing by. idling.
i trained myself to be disciplined.
victory isn't mine. i don't need to be a claimed hero by all.
blamed by others doesn't matter for me, but the worst thing is I start blaming myself.
embracing myself with troubles than enjoying life? thats what it makes for me to stand up among the others.
BE A SOBER YOURSELF, DUDE.

oh ya, what inspire me to do what i do now, they're my family. I love them. they are the force that push me to achieve more. to do what others dreaded. they're the voices in my head that says "C'MON!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!"

so its quite pathetic for you without any family support.
thats why you're only running away when enemies are near, while i'm having all the faith i have to face them .